I haven’t posted anything for absolutely ages. I usually write when I’m travelling or on a break from work. I always try to make sure my time at home is spent with my family or on myself.
I’ve been shielding since the end of March with my partner and our two year old. I’m not his biological Father but we cool. He calls me Nick-Nick and I call him my good-buddy. Content for another day.
It has been amazing to spend so much time altogether and we have done so much fun stuff but my partner and I have also tried our best to make sure we get some time ‘off’ being in parent mode. Parenting is amazing and so rewarding but that doesn’t mean it is comes without challenges.
Anyway I don’t want this to be a post about parenting or even about my lockdown experience. It’s a bit of background. Letting you know where I’ve been at. Potty training, watching The Lion King, jogging, cooking, reading, crying at The Lion King, pretending to be a dragon; you know the score.
I’ve also been quiet because of the sheer volume of movements that are so much more important than my rambling. I’ve always believed if you have nothing supportive to say, or you don’t feel informed enough to contribute then just stay quiet, let other people have their time to speak and take some time to learn.
I have been limiting my exposure to social media lately for a couple of reasons. One is the pressure to ‘achieve’ during lockdown. Learn a new language, start a side hustle, play an instrument, do 4,000 pull-ups etc. I am very prone to heaping pressure on to myself to make sure I achieve something with my day and in no way am I bashing those who have done any of the above, it is amazing. I wish I had the time/motivation to do more with my day.
However, most of the day is spent developing our main man and so my personal development has been put on hold for a bit. The precious time at the end of the day, after bedtime, is usually for us to decompress, do the housework and get ready for the next day.
Another reason for steering clear of social media and the one most relevant to this post is that I really struggle to engage with waves and waves of negativity. I’m a lean mean, over thinking machine. I am my own worst enemy. I’m working on it, but it takes huge amounts of energy for me to post anything because I am so unrealistic. I try to get through life without offending anybody. It doesn’t usually work either.
I feel like I have very little impact on the world at the moment, almost a little worthless. So I turn to social media to connect with the outside world and see that it’s basically on fire. A fire that grows bigger every day.
There is change, there is rage, there is debate, there is hate. I feel even more worthless, powerless to help (fully aware this is a problem with the patriarchy – we look for an immediate fix to a problem that has raged for centuries and get mad when we can’t find it. Guys, we so stoopid)
So what’s all this exposition for? Remember when I said about staying quiet if you had nothing positive to say? Yeah I didn’t do that.
Last week I made a poorly judged tweet and offended somebody. Went into panic mode immediately. Apologised. Deleted the tweet. Shutdown the handle. Nearly shut the whole site down and give up on Don’t Do It.
I’ve since had a bit of time to think on it and spoken to a few different people about it. I should have stuck around to face the consequences of what I did. It’s not anything criminal, political or racial. It was however, really stupid. I have reached out to apologise and will be sure to re-read my tweets a few times before I post.
Whilst I can agree that cancel culture is effective and important, holding individuals or organisations accountable is also extremely important if things are going to change. I don’t want to switch everything off when I make a mistake because that way I will never learn. I’m going to keep working on myself and learn how to support people who are fighting for change, because I sure as hell don’t want to be part of the problem anymore.
I’ll leave you with an important quote from a very important piece of media I’ve been engaging with a lot recently.
Change is good.
Yeah but it’s not easyThe Lion King
Be more Rafiki.